A Short-Lived Romance

The first thing she noticed was that he was short. She only liked tall men. The two of them could never be anything more than friends.

-

He was smart - really smart. He made her think, and then he made her laugh.

When she talked, he listened. He understood.

She realized that she made him nervous, even though she couldn't figure out why.

-

She'd never been good with platonic friendships. She always ended up wanting more.

Her friends rarely returned these feelings. When they became aware of her desires, they got scared or disgusted. They didn't stay.

On those occasions when she met someone who did feel similarly for her, they wanted her all to themselves. She couldn't live like that. She wanted everyone; she needed to be free.

This time, she wouldn't make either of those mistakes. They would be friends, and that would be all.


-

One night, he got drunk and flirted with her. Uncomfortable, she decided to just go home. But first she asked him to walk her out of the bar.

They said their goodbyes. She didn't leave.

"If I was to lean forward and kiss you right now - " he said.

She thought about it. "Why don't you try?"

And so they kissed, and she wondered why she'd ever thought they shouldn't.

-

She explained her situation. He was fine with it. "Whatever you want is fine with me."

"It can't all be fine," she said. "There has to be something that isn't fine."

"I won't be jealous, if that's what you want," he said. "I won't tie you down."

What she didn't say: "But I don't know what I want."

They didn't need to label this thing that they had, he told her. They just had to enjoy it.

-

She hadn't forgotten his height. "You're not as tall as you said you are," she told him.

"Yes, I am."

They measured. He wasn't.

"Good things come in small packages," he said.

-

She liked his eyes and his smile. His attitude. His bearing.

He was kind. Generous. Sensitive. Affectionate. There wasn't much not to like about him.

She liked everyone, it was true. But maybe she liked him more than most people.

-

"You really are different, you know," she told him.

"I don't know what you mean."

She thought about it. "You know how everybody thinks they're so special, when really they're all really pretty average? That's not you. You actually are different."

He nodded, and she could tell that he understood that it was a compliment.

-

She met new people. Some of them were very nice.

She kept comparing the other people to him.

They kept coming up short.

-

Time passed. "I'm pretty fond of you, you know," she said.

"And I'm fond of you."

What she didn't say was that she might be a little too fond of him. Fonder than she actually wanted to be.

Sometimes she thought she might fall for him if she let herself. She didn't tell him that.

-

She was in love with the world. She wanted him because he was so special. But then, many people were special. Even though she was infatuated with him for now, it wouldn't last.

In time, she would want someone to come home to at the end of the day. But that day wasn't today, and that someone didn't have to be him.

-

"Nothing bad could come from this," he told her. "This you-and-me thing. We're just two people who happen to like each other. What are you so afraid of?"

She could think of many things to be afraid of, but she didn't say them.

"I won't hurt you," he said. "I promise."

-

She began to notice his faults: his height wasn't the only one.

He had annoying habits. He was conceited. He didn't communicate well.

Someone new drew her gaze, and he said that was fine. Nothing would change between them, he said. She knew then that there was something wrong. He was jealous and lying about it. Or else, he wasn't jealous, when really she wanted him to be.

-

No, he wouldn't be the person she could come home to.

-

"Maybe we shouldn't do this anymore," she said.

"Do what anymore?"

"This thing that we're doing, that you don't want to label. Maybe we should just be friends."

"That's fine," he said.

-

Slowly, he stopped calling, stopped texting. He didn't return her calls.

When she realized this, she was pained. He had told her he wouldn't hurt her.

She let it be, because that was how it had to be. She went on with her life. Eventually, she knew it would be fine.